The request to find a father is the most requested search I receive. Unfortunately many children grow up without even knowing who their father is and in my opinion this can be a root to the problem of why so many children grow up with pain and an anger problem that leads to many other problems.
Of course this is not a problem for everyone who is raised without a father, but there is somewhat of a pattern of behavior for certain types of children who grow up in a fatherless home.
It seems there is a pattern of behavior for some children who are raised by a single mother who has to work and the child is left alone. There is no role model or example for the child to be guided by. The child is not taught respect, responsibility, or religion. The term "latch key kid" is given to the child who comes home to an empty house and basically has to take care of himself or herself. In some places "latch key kids" are also referred to as "throwaway kids".
IRRESPONSIBLE SEX THAT RESULTS IN AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY:
Is irresponsible sex when two people have sex just for pleasure without any care or thought to the consequences if a pregnancy occurs? Is unprotected sex that leads to an unplanned pregnancy being irresponsible for that baby's life?
When an unplanned pregnancy occurs with unmarried parents who becomes responsible for the medical expenses involved in the birth of the baby? Who will pay to support the baby? Who will take care of the baby? Who will love the baby? What will happen to the baby?
Unwed mothers who keep their babies without any way to provide for the child may not be prepared for the responsibility they will be facing. Some unplanned pregnancies will result in abortion or adoption. Years ago some mothers would choose abandonment.
RESPONSIBILITY:
Who is responsible for bringing a baby into the world with no way of supporting the child? How many unwed mothers solely depend on Welfare and free handouts to raise their child or children? How many men father children and never contribute a penny toward their support? How many men father children and know they are fathers but never see the child or do anything to help raise the child? How many men father children and never feel responsible for doing anything for the child?
It is not uncommon for an unwed mother to not know or identify the father of her child. She does not put the father's name on the birth certificate and she does not draw any child support. Some men may not even know they have fathered a child. The birth certificate may say "Father Unknown".
THE STATISTICS OF CHILDREN FROM FATHERLESS HOMES:
These are statistics of children who are primarily being raised by a single mother who has to work in order to pay her overhead and expenses as well as single mothers who may be absent much of the time and the child is left alone with no one to teach respect, responsibility, or religion. The child has no role model, no one to look up to as an example, and grows up feeling like no one really cares about them. They don't feel loved or wanted.
This is only my opinion but it seems to me that some of the main problems with society stems from the fact that 50% of all marriages are ending in divorce; 50% of all children in the U.S. are being raised by a single parent (primarily their mother); and *50% of these children being raised by a single mother may not know the absent parent - their father.
*These are the children I am most concerned about because statistics show that these children are more likely to have the following problems and these problems are directly affecting society:
- 63% Suicide
- 85% Behavioral Problems
- 90% Homeless & Runaways
- 71% High School Dropouts
- 80% Commit Rape due to Displaced Anger
- 70% Juvenile Institutions
- 85% Prison
- Alcohol and Drug Problems
- Greater and earlier sexual activity
- Girls are more likely to become pregnant
- Boys have more aggressive behavior
- Girls have more anxiety and depression
- More antisocial behavior
- Poorer educational performance/school suspensions
- 2 out of 5 children in America do not live with their father
Can it possibly be that having irresponsible sex that leads to an unwanted pregnancy that brings a child into the world that is left to raise themselves and feels that no one cares about them leads to anger that results in wanting to hurt others; anger that leads to breaking laws and committing criminal acts; anger that results in violence and destruction? Is the anger we are seeing today in the behavior of so many rioters and protesters really the result of being from a fatherless home? If there was a survey done among all the angry people who are protesting and rioting, how many would be from a fatherless home? Is this really the root of the problem?
To those innocent babies and children who became victims of an unfair upbringing, who were unloved, mistreated, abused, or otherwise had a very sad childhood, I want to say I know it wasn't your fault that this happened to you. I understand your pain and why you are angry. But the best way to release pain and anger is by forgiveness, not by harming anyone else. Taking out your anger on others is not going to solve the problem. Try to forgive in order to let go of all the anger and pain, and once you truly have forgiven those who caused you the pain and anger, you will feel like a boulder has been lifted off your shoulders and you will feel a sense of peace like no other. Your attitude will change and you will begin to feel positive about your life and your future. Don't let the pain and anger take over or control your life. It will hurt you more than it will hurt others and it won't go away. Forgiveness will lead to freedom. Believe that God is in control, not you. God created you and Jesus was sent to die for everyone's sins. It's never too late to change your way of life, your way of thinking, and to turn everything around.
IS THERE A SOLUTION?
What is the solution for so many unplanned and unwanted pregnancies? What is the solution for teaching and training parents to be prepared and responsible? Who is responsible for teaching and training children about the other 3 R's "respect and responsibility and religion"? Would it help if young children in kindergarten and elementary school were taught these 3 R's? I realize that in today's society it is almost impossible to teach about religion for fear of offending someone. I do think everyone needs to respect the rights of others to believe whatever they choose to believe and no one should be forced to believe a certain way. Having the freedom of choice is not something everyone has. So if public schools are not being allowed to teach religion, can they at least teach respect and responsibility? What if small children were given classes of what to prepare for when they become adults and parents? I really believe some good training programs are needed that teach kids what they are not being taught at home about respect and responsibility. Maybe there are some good television shows for kids that teach right from wrong. I don't watch kids TV shows so am not sure what they are teaching. All I know is that somewhere along the way kids are growing up without respect and responsibility and certain people have a mindset that they are entitled to free handouts therefore they have no motivation to be responsible for anything. Giving people free handouts can result in enabling them to lack respect and responsibility. This does not apply to everyone......of course there are exceptions and of course there are people who truly deserve help.
SEARCHING FOR A FATHER:
The child may not know the name of their father but there is a slim chance the father may be identified and located thru a DNA test. Finding a father is not going to solve all their problems.....it is basically only going to give them closure by answering some of their questions. Living with the unknown about their own identity can lead to other problems that may cause their life to become out of balance.
Finding their father may not be what they hope for but I believe the truth will set them free. Free from the "unknown". It seems that knowing the truth will help to fill a void in someone's life.
Over the years I have helped many people find their father and the one thing I tell them is to not have any unrealistic expectations. What I find may not be what they hope for....... but it is better than living with the "unknown". Sometimes the "unknown" can eat at you like a cancer.
May God bless all the children who were unloved, unwanted, and abused.
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