Finding Your First Love

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Several years ago I was contacted by a woman who wanted to find her first love......the one she should have married and never forgot.  It had been about thirty years since she last saw him. She was very emotional and every day she would call to ask if I had found him yet.

Even though it had been thirty years and she had been married and divorced several times, she was sure that he was the love of her life and that he would be so thrilled to hear from her and know that she never forgot him. 

She did not have much information to work with and it took me several days to find him.  I wanted to find him just so she would quit calling me.

Before I begin searching for someone I tell my client not to have any unrealistic expectations.  I never know if the person I am searching for is dead or alive, or if they have a family and this might cause a problem, or if the person I find may have a health problem and this might cause complications.  I don't know what I will find, but I've always believed that people need closure, regardless of what I find and that the truth will  set them  free.

When I first make contact with someone I want to be considerate of their surroundings and always ask if this is a good time for them to talk, that I have something personal to discuss and don't want to cause them a problem.  I tell them if this is not a good time to talk to please take my name and number and call me back when it is more convenient.  I try to not upset anyone and treat others as I would want to be treated.  I try to be respectful, thoughtful, kind, considerate, and very non-threatening.  My goal is to help people, not hurt anyone. 

So I finally found the client's first love.  I called and talked to him and explained that my client had hired me to find him and she wanted to know how he was doing.  He responded with "Please promise you won't give her my phone number.......tell her I'm in a coma and not expected to live."

I really dreaded calling my client to tell her that her first love did not want to hear from her.  How would I break this news without breaking her heart?  I just knew she would break down sobbing so I wanted to be gentle.  I told her I had some good news and some bad news.  The good news was that I found her first love, but the bad news is that he is happily married and she should not contact him.  Instead of breaking down she just said, okay, will you see if you can find ???????.  Apparently she had a list of old boyfriends and she was going to keep looking for them all to see if anyone wanted to see her again.  Surprise - surprise!!!  Not the reaction I expected but at least I didn't break her heart.
 
There could be several morals to this story:

"Don't have unrealistic expectations."
"Expect the unexpected."
"You and your first love will probably not remember the same things, or feel the same way." 

More than likely the memory is better than the reality and it is probably best to leave the past alone.  Finding your first love can burst your bubble and leave you feeling worse than you felt before you began your search......but I don't deny that everyone needs closure and regardless of what you find, everything will work out okay.

Privacy laws protect certain information, but there are many public records available at public libraries, archive libraries, court houses, the internet, and many public offices.  Hiring a professional investigator can save you time and money because they have the knowledge and experience to know how and where to look for information.